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FRIGOROCK Big Al
Last and First

Justice League, Superheroes and X-Men.

By Big Al, Dec 1st  2003

The Cast: 

  • JD as The Incredible Bulk

  • R as Blunderwoman

  • C as The Grump Lantern

  • Wee Iain as The Laminator

  • Nodrog as Ayrdevil

  • Anoif as The Firestarter

  • Andy as Yorkshireman

  • Nick as Pooverine

  • Shandboy as The Flash

  • Big Al as Rubberedman

 The Scene:

Invermallie Bothy. At the outer limits of The Loch Arkaig Galaxy. 45 Light Minutes walk-in along the Interstella Highway.

 The Epic Tale:

Notwithstanding nevertheless however yet but in spite of ‘C’ saying  “…after the Heroic Bothy Meets of the past, Invermallie was the easiest-access, most-wimpish-approach bothy in Scotland”…. ‘C’, JD and ‘R’ performed a completely unheroic volte-face and didn’t walk-in on the Friday night after all. Instead they sloped off into Luxurigarbh in Glencoe on the Friday night. It was a bit damp right enough. Heroic? Aye right!

Myself, Wee Iain, Nodrog & Anoif battled with the elements on the 10 yard approach march from our cars to the Four Seasons Bar right next to the Inchree Bunkhouse. An enjoyable evening was spent being barfast and getting outside some beer before retiring to the Bunkumhouse and a toasty night. It was a bit damp right enough. Heroic? Positively Herculean.

Next morning we did ‘The Fort’ where we came, we saw, we did a little shopping and all I came away with was a £1.99 breakfast. All the while it was raining, pissing down, pouring, wet, tipping it, coming down in stair-rods, horizontal deluge, sheeting in drainpipes, cats & dugs, moist, cloudburstville, monsoon season.

That didn’t stop us though. Oh No! We intrepidded up the mighty Beinn Bhan, a Corbett to the south of the Bothy from the Glen Loy side. Absolute mince. Soaked to the  dermal tissue…and beyond. ‘C’ and Co did Geal Charn and Meall na-h-Eilde, and Shandboy got Ben Tee bagged.

So to the Bothy. Tooled-up with a Duzz Stellas and a boil-in-the-bag curry. All the essentials. We were first in. We were met at the door of the bothy by piles of trashbags apparently left by the drugged-up steamers and ‘Yoof’ of Fort William who we hear frequent the place. The MBA has a job on its hands with irresponsible assholes like these scumbags using their bothies…..

…..Then ‘C’, JD and ‘R’ rolled in.

JD must be  working too hard again….’cos he immediately went upstairs and flaked-out for a couple of hours. Next in was Shandboy, followed by Nick and Andy, this years representatives of the Rannoch’s FEB section.

 

After settling in, Anoif had a terrifying experience with the omnipresent Glen Mallie ponies when she went to get some water from the burn. How 6 large ponies can sneak up on someone unnoticed I’ll never know, but she got the fright of her life. She obviously suffers from Hippophobia, and ran back shrieking with pure unadulterated terror. Bloody hippos. Poor lassie. Still at least she remembered to bring the watter for the lads brew. Heroine? Definitely.

 

Some previously irresponsible scumbag assholes had left a wee bag of charcoal [probably thought it was rubbish] and superhero JD had also carried in some coal. Nice one mateman, no wonder you were knackered.  Firestarterwoman had got a good fire going and was busy warming her bagels over it. Nodrog was parading round in his Hillbilly dungarees, but thankfully had forgotten his banjo. Shandboy quipped, affecting a southern hillbilly drawl…”Your ass is grass – and I’m the lawnmower” You had to be there….It’s all in the Deliverance obviously. Nodrog did however, have his ‘bottomless’ battered old Sigg-bottle full of Glenmorangie….the Glen of Insanity at Inverswallie right enough.

Nodrog & Anoif are FABs [ref. FEB, except effin-Ayrshire-bassas] and I think, after discussion we also invented FUBs [effin-useless-bassas, of which there are many]. All other suggestions are most welcome.

Rhona without doubt must have  carried the heaviest rucksack into the bothy, ‘cos that was the heaviest piece of Carrot Cake I have ever eaten. Veritably the Black Hole of Carrot Cakes. Very tasty mind you.

All that remained to do was get blootered. Which I am happy to report I did. A Boozer’s Dozen attained once again….thanks to Wee Iain for can number 13…..the one that put me ‘over the edge’ and caused me to tumble twice [so I am told]…..T  -  I  -  M  - B  -  E  -  R.

…or as Wee Iain put it

…from hero to zero.

Rubberedman

1/12/2003