Rannoch Mountaineering Club
www.climbrannoch.co.uk
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Rannoch Mountaineering Club
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Big Al’s Achnahaird Week 2004How the hell I got all that stuff for a weeks camping AND two wee boys into a shitty little Daewoo Nexia I will never know…
..well actually I do…..
In my magnanimous heart of hearts I realised that the ‘Trouble & Strife’ had had enough of a hard time looking after the boys for most of the summer….and she deserved a break. [Husband of the Year Award judges please take note].
Anyway, I shoe-horned Calum and Craig into the car, packed pillows and blankets round them, gave them half a travel sickness pill each, some juice and sweeties, and then got the pedal-to-the-metal and headed for the A9 north…. ….“Hey, this is great dad, and we don’t need to listen to that ABBA crap ‘cos mum isnae here”….says Calum about 400 yards along our mammoth journey. Ho-Ho that’s my boy!… …”Are we nearly there yet dad?”….pipes up Craig as we hurtle past the SECC….
….I crank up the volume on the CD….The Offspring – Pretty Fly….pure heavy mental….and I don’t mean the American hard rock band…. “Aye son, not long now.”
Back at the car, I checked my watch….four and a half minutes….still too long in that dive. We stopped at a wee picnic spot in a layby out of town a bit and had lunch. Next stop Ullapool.
Got to Ullapool by around tea-time. Hit the Safeway. Essential supplies. More juice and sweets for the boys, and I got some juice too. Someone explain this to me…..12 pack of Stella £13.49…..24 slab of self same Stella nectar £16.49!! ….Mr. Morrison-Safeway Ullapool I salute you, Sir!….you saved me a fortune. The weather was superb and I got the guttie-to-the-floor up to the campsite. The hills were looking magnificent in the perfect air quality.
Sunday for me and the Boys, and the rest of the team as it happens, was a beach day….and it was just fantastic. Gloriously sunny with a sea breeze. Me catching some rays as the boys battered defenceless crabs to death. The evening was spent talking pish and sizzling and guzzling….etc etc etc.
Tuesday. Attempted activity day 2. I took the boys down to Reiff for a spot of cragging. That wee bit near the wee slabby pinnacle. Trouble was, it was one of those really cloudy, sticky, humid windless days…..and the midges were horrendous. Even right out on the coastline there was not a breath of wind. We did a wee roped scramble before getting the hell outta there and headed for the Am Fuaran Bar in Altandhu. All us boys were as happy as pigs in muck with a can of Irn Bru, a plate a chips and having a game of pool. Back at the campsite it was midge misery. Midge Hoods were de rigeur and indeed I’d go as far as to say that if I hadn’t brought them. I’d have been tempted to go home. Anyway we splashed on some of my huge variety of repellents, got hooded-up and spent the night talking pish etc etc etc…. Wednesday. Cloudy wet mank dreich torrential bollocks. We all escaped into Ullapool for various combinations of bar lunches, swims, showers, shopping, ‘ahem’ money-saving ventures and general time-wasting ploys. We had to go back eventually, and found a dry spot in Shaz’s enormous bell-end and spent the night talking ….etc etc etc. Thursday. The great
weather returns. Cycling day. Me and the boys down to Achiltiebuie. I
Right in front of the car! How fucking embarrassing is that! Anyway I acted dead cool like it never happenened and untangled myself from the stinking fucking pedal-clips, brushed myself down and strode nonchalantly into the shop to ask for some plasters for my cuts and grazes. To their credit, my boys didn’t laugh….much. We got some juice and sweets than went to the pub. I cycled back hurting. No clips. No problemmo. Another night of midgification followed. Hooded, we spent the night….etc etc etc Friday. Another cracking day. The girls were planning Cul Mor. So I thought I’d go along and share the benefit of my previous knowledge on the precipitous slopes and see they were all right. And I am glad I did, because it was an incredible experience. A once in a lifetime chance to encounter a very rare mountain phenomenon. You will all have no doubt heard of ‘Brocken Spectres’, ‘Glories’, ‘Reverse Rainbows’, ‘Cloud Inversions’, ‘Ball Lightning’, ‘Raining Frogs’ and the like…..but what about ‘The Rannoch Wimmin Doppler Effect?’…..allow me to explain. I found myself a distance ahead of the wimmin, I sat by small cairn and waited their arrival, then heard them approaching almost imperceptibly at first … “natter natter” “childbirth” “rabbit rabbit” “stretchmarks” “blether blether” “shopping” “chitter chatter” “ironing” “wiffle waffle” “hoooooovering..ing ...ing..ing” Absolutely incredible. As the wimmin approached the sound blueshifted in intensity they passed by without seeing me and the sound then redshifted as they receded. Surely a mountain phenomenon only witnessed by a very few fortunate souls and is quite easily explained thus…
Fascinating. A superb day, and a superb week. All in all, one of the best I had spent etc etc etc Big Al, August 9th 2004 |
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We
(I) threw the tent up in jig time and I was cracking open my first tinny when
Shaz and her kids arrived, closely followed by Bish & Rhona and the girls. Ach
well….that was the end of the peacefully idyllic campsite then. The Rannoch woz
‘ere. The evening was spent talking pish and sizzling sausages and burgers on
the barbie [none of yer veggie nonsense here] interspersed with guzzling
money-saving quantities of swally, whilst gazing at arguably one of the best
views in Scotland. Does it get any better? I don’t think so. 
