Rannoch Mountaineering Club
www.climbrannoch.co.uk
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Rannoch Mountaineering Club
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Hypermetropia – My Living Hell Yes, after a long and weary battle of about two weeks against this unpleasant, anti-social and shameful scourge on society I have finally succumbed. I fought it with all my passion and determination, but alas I had sunk to the very nadir of respectability and found comfort in the solace of the beer can and the armchair. In desperation I sought help….and yes…I admit to going to ‘The Rannoch’ on their Friday night group therapy sessions. It helped….it really did….when I told the lads… >blub< “My name is Big Al, and I’ve got Hypermetropia” >sob< The sickening enormity and long term implications of it hit me hard. Would I ever be able to tick-off routes in a Rockfax guidebook again? Indeed, would I be able to see that glaringly obvious two-finger undercut sloper pocket crux hold right in front of my face? Would I be able to look at a map and navigate on the hill properly? Those wonderfully inspirational articles in the SMC Journal could be gone forever. Would I be able to check out the menu at the next Curry Night?…or was it to be Ashton Lane Beef for the rest of my days. I had to do something about it…. So yesterday, after a long and desperately emotional consultation with a specialist…..I was told the grim news…..she broke it as humanely as possible…“You need reading glasses”….it was a sledgehammer blow. I left the Consultation Room to the warm embrace of nobody….shambling, head bowed, drained, welling-up…. A few people wearing glasses:
“I can’t see clear” there, on the wall all round the place… oh fuck… FC:UK £125…..Dolce & Gabbani £249…..Armani…..£349.99 >gulp< or ASDA Gregories….‘Compact Readers’….£5.99 each or 2 pairs for a tenner. THAT’S ASDA PRICE! >slaps ass<
Big Al 17th March 2004
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