Rannoch Mountaineering Club 

www.climbrannoch.co.uk

Ram-a-Ling-a-ding-dong

A hyperopic view from Big Al, 27^th April 2004

Our journey up was in Colin’s Country & Western cruisin’ machine and the entertainment was Dwight Yoakum (hokum) and Johnnie Cash (gash)…Shandboy and I knew what to expect and we came prepared with mucho lageros to combat the audio-drivel assault….btw The Johnnie Cash ‘Covers’ album is one not to be missed, particularly his intestinal-peristalsis inducing version of ‘Danny Boy’…truly it churns, man.

Emotionally scarred by the C&W but strangely comforted by the medicinal quality of Stella, we slewed into the Kinlochewe Hotel carpark and met up with the troops in the bar for a swift bev and chat before the race down the glen to get to the hut and the best bunk spaces.

There were already a bunch of scumbags in the hut…JMCS or some such…I recognised a few of them from the climbing wall…and accordingly ignored them here as well. However, I think we should report them to the Ling Custodian Bill Skidmark, because they contravened Hut Regulations by having a dog, a German fraulein and a Spanish senorita. Disgraceful…but at least the wee dug wisnae a yappy wee bitch. Also I think we should get Bish to write a strongly worded letter of complaint to the MCofS…no particular reason…he’ll just like that. [by the way Bish sort out your spelling mate…I think the reason they never replied to your last letter was you sent it to the Cof SM!]

And so Saturday morning came, with many complicated variations and sub-plots as to what to do…some were going climbing to Diabaig, some padding on Liathach or Beinn Eighe. I decided on the Corbetts out the back of the Hut – Sgorr nan Lochan Uaine and Sgurr Dubh. When I left the Hut at 10am, Bish was still havering…frying one last rasher and still undecided.In fact he said he may even join me on the Corbetts….or do Liathach with Rhona and Shaz…or go to Diabaig…or do another quick fried egg….you know how it is.

Anyway I wandered off up the rather fine track south from the hut and at the first wee ford across a stream managed to skite on a wet rock and land awkwardly on my left ankle, spraining it in the process. Now, I was no further than 400 metres from the hut and I thought to myself  “ach it’s no too bad I’ll just walk it off”…

…Mistake  No. 1

It was quite bad, but after tightening up the boot a bit I found that walking, particularly on the up slopes not too bad so I continued. I got to the summit of Sgorr nan Lochan Uaine, where it was raining, windy and the clag was right down. Thoroughly miserable, and my ankle was throbbing a bit. I considered going on to Sgurr Dubh, so I got out my map to have a look… 

…Mistake No. 2

I had forgotten my very recently acquired reading glasses! In fact because they were so recently acquired…that I had forgotten completely not even remotely realised that I would need such a thing on the hill! Gulp. I could hardly make out a fecking thing on the map and just hobbled back down the hill the way I had approached the cairn….

…Mistake No. 3

It was now that I knew I was in for a bad time…my ankle on the descent was fecking agony and I was forced into stepping sideways facing left…right foot first as much as I could…not that easy in the very wet and slippery underfoot conditions. Thank god for trekking poles!

I kept thinking of the great mountaineering heros of the past and epic descents undertaken…Doug Scott on Everest…Nigel Holmes in the Costa Blanca Hotrock Trip circa 1992 when he lay prone for 453 body lengths to get back to the Villa after a monster cervesa session.…Joe Simpson in Touching The Void….Oh how I longed to be able to wallow in the latrine area back at base camp!

…and eventually I got back and was wallowing in the septic wit of Rannoch one-liners, slags and demeaning comments. It was great to be back.

We could all then concentrate on the business in hand…getting rat-arsed and celebrating Rhona’s up-and-coming 40^th birthday with beer, wine and specially prepared curry and trimmings.

A very special thank-you from me to Shandboy and Colin who very thoughtfully [unlike them I know!] carried in my remaining carry-out. I seriously was not looking forward to hirpling out to the carpark and back. Cheers lads.

The night went well, excellent food and drink, though the company as usual was decidedly dubious. Shaz really did her credibility no good at all by falling asleep, face down at the dinner table. Shocking stuff….she’ll need to do a lot worse than that to get any cred in this company.

Sunday was a much better day and I went with Colin, Shandboy and Bish up to The Stone Valley area but was unable to walk up to the crag.  The lads had a good few hours cragging then we went back to the carpark/picnic area by Kinlochewe to meet the others who had done Meall a’Ghiubhais.  Summer was definitely here! The weather was great, so good in fact that Shaz was stripped down to her bra & panties and swimming in Loch Maree!  Not to be outdone Bish went in as well and gave us all a good laugh as his kecks appeared to be wet BEFORE he got in to the water. Must have been the excitement of it all I suppose.

Big Al, 27^th April 2004