Definitions

"Artificial climbing: knack of appearing to climb by talking about it. This technique is best employed far from actual climbing areas, which tend to be hazardous. Small taverns and pizza parlors with an impressionable clientele are excellent sites for artificial climbing."

"Blood /n./ substance commonly used to mark a climbing route."

"El Capitan /prop. n./ expedition leader in a spanish speaking country."

"Foot jam /n./ offensive accumulation between the toes, caused by wearing the same socks for several days."

"Gorp /interj./ mealtime sound made by a hungry alpinist.
Rurp /interj./ sound made by a climber after downing a hasty lunch."

"Layback /n./ what a climber looks forward to at the end of a day."

"Line of weakness: long involved explanation for not attempting a route."

"Matterhorn /n./ trumpetlike musical instrument favored by swiss mountaineers."

"Mountaineering /n./ slow walking uphill while not feeling very well."

"Offwidth crack /n./ remark made in a smartass manner."

"Volcano /n./ A mountain with hiccups."

"Wilderness /n./ archaic word used to refer to the space that once existed between urban areas and which is now used as a proving ground for 4-wheel drive vehicles."

"Wilderness travel /n./ art of avoiding snowmobiles, four wheel drives and oil wells."