Rannoch Mountaineering Club 

www.climbrannoch.co.uk

"No Guts, No Glory !"

Funny, Stupid, Witty, ~ Climbing Quotes

"A climber's day always starts at the crux: getting out of bed."

"There are only 3 real sports: bull-fighting, car racing and mountain climbing. All the others are mere games."    — Hemingway.

"I find that rock climbing is the finest, most healthiest sport in the whole world. It is much healthier than most; look at baseball, where 10 000 sit on their ass to watch a handful of players"    — John Salathé, 1974.

"Writing about climbing is boring. I would rather go climbing."    — Chuck Pratt.

"I don't want to write about climbing; I don't want talk about it; I don't want to photograph it; I don't want to think about it; all I want to do is do it."    — Chuck Pratt.

"Leading something that is 50/50 is is not 'my limit'. It's off route."    — Nathan Sweet.

"Where are the holds, Hector ?!?!"    — Paulina.

"There were no holds so I had to use skill."

"On real cliffs, opportunities for problems loom like an early morning drive in mist-shrouded moose country."    — Guido.

"If everything's under control, you're going too slow."    — Mario Andretti.

"I love climbing because it feels so good when I stop..."    — Karl "we're all nuts".

"Climbers seem to forget that we said in our introduction that there were simply '50 classic routes', not 'the 50 classics'. We chose 50 from a list of about 120. Only a torturer will ever pry loose from our lips the names of those other 70 classics..."    — Steve Roper.

"One method of getting loved ones to look more fondly on your climbing is to tell them that since you've started climbing you hardly do drugs anymore."    — David Harris.

"It's all fun and oneness with nature until you realize you can't have diarrhea and vomit at the same time without an extra bucket."    — Nate B.

"Fucking Layton Kor... God I hate Cameron Burns. I wonder how much it would hurt if I just jumped ? Why the hell would anyone climb this hunk of dirt anyway, or anything for that matter-pointless ? How long can you be dead and still be an organ donor ?"    — Frank Stock's thoughts while on the Kor Route on Monster Tower.

"Just a reminder — a guidebook is no substitute for skill, experience, judgement and lots of tension."    — Charlie Fowler.

"That was amazing ! Five lead changes to climb 40 feet of rock ! How can they say this route doesn't look good ? This was MORE than a route — this was an EXPERIENCE !"    — Larry D.

"The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun."    — Alex Lowe.

"I've climbed with some of the best climbers in the world, more importantly, to me, they are some of the best people in the world. That's another reason why I climb."    — Jim Wickwire.

"Climbing may be hard, but it's easier than growing up."    — Ed Sklar.

"In France, a publicly accessible climbing area without bolted lines is viewed like a publicly accessable swimming pool with sharks in it."    — David Kastrup.

"In most parts of France, they climb 'French Free'. In Chamonix they climb 'French Expensive'."    — Tim.

"My mother used to rock me — and she used big rocks."    — Rodney Dangerfield.

"Little primates known as Loris have been observed urinating on their hands and feet — it is thought that they do this to improve their grip while climbing."

"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible."    — Doug Lawson.

"They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work."    — Casey Stengel.

"Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those who are doing it."   — Unknown.

"> I am working on a research paper. My topic is: How Do Glaciers Move? Can you please tell me what you know about the movement of glaciers ?
Glaciers feel best when they have one movement per day. Some glaciers do just fine with fewer movements, but when they don't have movements for a long time the result can be quite bad. Glaciers which move much more frequently tend to have loose and soft terminal moraines (also called rock piles).
Glacial movement is almost always associated with the release of water. But sometimes glaciers release water without experiencing a movement."    — Mike Garrison's answer.

"If you want to climb it badly enough, you will. So... why bother ?"    — Doug Scott.

"Yoga is a system, scientifically proven to boost your climbing ability significantly. Why do you think you always see that Guru figure sitting on the top of the mountain? You think he/she got there by enlightenment ?"    — Lg.

"Breaking into a new area of climbing while remaining safe is probably sort of like practicing religion. There's no best way to do it, and if you screw up, you're going down..."    — Nate Beckwith.

"Alcohol, firearms and a 4 wheel drive can go a long ways towards making a rain day into a fun rest day."    — Frank Stock.

"To qualify for mountain rescue work, you have to pass our test. The doctor holds a flashlight to your ear. If he can see light coming out the other one, you qualify."    — Willi Pfisterer.

"Why ? Why, why, why do I do this ???"    — Chuck Pratt.

"Life is brought down to the basics: if you are warm, regular, healthy, not thirsty or hungry, then you are not on a mountain... Climbing at altitude is like hitting your head against a brick wall — it's great when you stop."    — Chris Darwin.

"I suggest going out to the nearest pub and getting completely, and utterly, wasted. Make sure you smoke at least 1 pack of unfiltered Camel's. Get the full ashtray, pour a drink in it and then pour the mixture into a water bottle.
When you get home (ideally around 3:30am) stick the vile mixture into your freezer. Put on your best goretex and thermal layer. Climb in. At 5:30am, get out, drink (chew?) the mixture and go run the biggest flight of stairs you can find. Run until your heart threatens to explode.
Your dehydration caused by the alcohol should adequately simulate what you may experience at higher altitudes. Your lung capacity should be sufficiently impaired by the smokes to simulate a oxygen poor environment. The freezer episode should adequately replicate a bivy. Drinking the booze/butt mixture should simulate your lack of appetite.....
Oh — once your finished your workout, go to work (to replicate the long walk out)."    — Greg Hamilton suggesting an altitude training methodology.

"The best training was to go to the pub, drink 5 quarts of beer, and talk about climbing."    — Ron Fawcett.

"The distinguishing mark of true adventures, is that it is often no fun at all while they are actually happening."    — Kim Stanley Robinson.

"You can grunt and heave, sweat and strain, wear yourself out, and unless you simply forget about it and step up, you won't even get off the ground."    — Mike Borghoff.

"There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing."    — Sir Rannulph Fiennes.

"The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective."    — Al Neuharth.

"How do you distinguish between being off-route and putting up a first ascent ?"    — Bruce Bindner.

"As a member of an escorted tour, you don't even have to know the Matterhorn isn't a tuba."    — Temple Fielding.

"I may not be able to pull on the smallest of holds, but those I can pull on I can pull on all day long."    — Jimmy Jewel.

"You can't be here: it's public land !"    — A snowplow driver at the base of Lincoln Falls (Colorado).

"I climb as hard as anyone on earth. I just do it on easier routes."    — Mad Dog.

"Vertigo I can handle alright — It's horizonto that drives me nuts."    — Jim Lubell.

"Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers always wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of a machine room."    — From Real programmers don't write specs.

"Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance."    — Anonymous.

"No one is completely useless — They can always serve as a bad example."    — Anonymous.

"Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a mountain guide ?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four !"

"Climb Now, Work Later."    — DMM slogan

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."    — Carl Zwanzig.

"Q: How is mountain climbing like receiving oral sex from Whoopi Goldberg ?
A: You should never ever look down !"

"Where does all the white go when the snow melts ?"

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible."    —George Burns.

"They say that if the Swiss had designed these mountains they'd be rather flatter."    — Paul Theroux (1941- ), US-born writer, referring to the Alps.

"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered."    — G.K. Chesterson.

"If climbers used the word 'beta' the way most software houses do, we'd all be dead."

"Being a climber in Florida is like being in Seatle without a raincoat."

"Once, I was lost in the wilderness, and I was forced to eat a dog to survive ! Later I realized I was just in the back yard, but boy, was my mom pissed !"    — C. Rostan.

"Sport climbing is neither."    — Found on a poster at the gendarme in Seneca rocks.

"Dear Lord, please don't let me fuck up."    — Attributed to Alan Shepard, the first American astronaut (makes a good rappeling prayer)

"Maybe true. Maybe not true. Better you believe."    — Sherpa saying.

"Found the following in a local post by someone describing what they look for in a resume when hiring a person for a computer programming job: Flowery action words can't hide a lack of accomplishment in life. I like it when someone lists things like 'mountain climbing' in their resume, because it means he's geeky enough to feel it's necessary to prove that he's not a geek, yet not so geeky that he's anal retentive."    — Paul Hess.

"As far as I'm concerned, if someone eliminates the mental part of climbing, then we might as well all go play miniature golf."    — Greg Opland.

"Snowshoeing is more extreme than rockclimbing. I mean, it would take something pretty extreme to get me to go slog around in the snow like that."    — Karl Baba.

"rok iz gud."    — Climer.