Rannoch Mountaineering Club 

www.climbrannoch.co.uk

By Rhona McInnes (September 2003)

The local community of Achnahaird were pleased to host this years Stella Artois Film and TV Awards Festival. The event took place in August from the 2nd to the 19th and was well represented by a number of well-known comedians, actors, actresses and groupies.

• Big Al - for playing the title role in "Lord of the Ring(pull)s" - this was a flawless performance, played out with true determination and focus.

• Wee Ian - for his modernistic retake of the show down scene in "High (M)Noon" - this coincided with a waning moon and the arrival of Mars (big style) and the actor was to be congratulated for his timing.

• Ian Campbell - for playing the male lead in "The Cruel Sea". The title role fell to the sea as Ian fell in it.

• Bish McAra - for his stylistic remake of the "Wicker Man" in a Nylon tent (Rhiannon got a mention for sound effects and creating a back drop of fear). This interesting and realistic performance was subject to a number of repeats during the two weeks of the festival.

• Midges - for their exemplary performance in "Gone with the Wind."

• JD - "A Fistful of Dollars" - awarded for turning up. JD was also awarded a mention for his brief appearance as Sebastian in the serialisation of the children's book "Sebastian and the sausages". In this episode Sebastian was seen to go off in search of chipolatas but never came back having been overcome by sleep in his tent at 8pm (well it was a children's book)

• Craig - for creative visualisation and his remake of the sound track for "Independence Day".

• Colin - received a mention for his walk on part in "Socks in the City".

• Clan Campbell - animation award for "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" - again a flawless performance as the old car made it up the road again despite loose wheel nuts, saggy towbar, and additional solder. "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Does It Again" is expected top be released next year.

• Gavin - a first class performance in "Gone in 60 seconds". This film was replayed repeatedly during the second week of the festival usually associated with mentions of food needing cooked, BBQs stoked, children needing cared for or any other task requiring effort. (I resent the accusation that I am getting slow, anyway, that's what Nanny is for - pah, ED, aka Webmaster Gavin)

• Rhiannon and the sea-snake were awarded mentions for their parts in Monty Pythons Flying Circus.

And finally..... to the most prolific of them all........

• Sharon (Shaz) was awarded:

• Lead female performance in "Cliffhanger" - in the original film the problem with the harness became apparent as the lead female was cast off into the abyss. Legal implications arose and Black Diamond decided to re-make the film depicting the lead female hanging in the harness out over a steep cliff. This time the harness does not fall apart and the actress (with much assistance from a system of pulleys cleverly digitised out of the actual screening, to give the impression of true climbing) reaches the relative safety of the clifftop.

• Lead female performance in Vertigo (a realistic performance comprising leg wobbles and pounding heart!)

• Lead female performance in "The Great Escape". This post modernistic remake took place near the end of the second week of the festival where Sharon played to perfection the cruel and evil character who is shown to attempt to break out of the camp with a number of fellow in-mates. They nearly make the boundary fence, when Sharon abandons her attempt and returns to camp, collapsing exhausted in her cell. Meanwhile her fellow escapees (one other female, assorted children (lots), one bar of chocolate) carry on over the hills, alone and exhausted but determined to make good their escape. Meanwhile Sharon spills the beans and the escapees are in time rounded up by fellow in-mates and wardens and subject to brutal punishment as befitting their crime. The role is played out in a cold, calculating and cynical manner. Sharon is thought to have cleverly modeled herself on Cruella Deville the well known fairy book character and was to be congratulated for a realistic and gritty, albeit brief performance.

The local community benefited much from hosting the wards mainly from sales of beer in the village shop. The hope to host this festival on a regular basis and expect it to grow in size over the coming years. One local spokesperson commenting on the amount of activity which carried on often into the wee small hours "What surprised me most was the enthusiasm and stamina from some of the younger women. In my day it was always men who stayed up late talking and drinking but I noticed that the men were often safely tucked up in their beds by 9 or 10 o'clock, just no stamina these days".

Programmes for next years festival will soon be available at www.star-performance.scot